Letting Go

Well, life has taken another unexpected turn for me. Upon starting classes I came to the unsettling realization that my heart is absolutely not in school right now. This was is very strange for me, because I have always loved school.  What's even stranger about this is that compared to the amount of schooling I have already completed, the amount of work I would need to do to finish my MA, 2 classes and a thesis, is really almost negligible.  Nonetheless, it would take about a year and a lot of motivation to complete the classes and thesis, and I am just not sure I have it in me at this point.  A year may be a relatively short amount of time when looking back, but if you are really not happy with your circumstances, it could feel painfully long when you're in it.  So, I finally made the decision to stop working on my degree, at least for now.  

I dropped the classes I was enrolled in and I talked to my advisor at school.  He said the as long as I complete all of my degree requirements by January 2014, I can finish my MA in Psychology at JFK University.  That's really quite a long time from now, and I think getting some time and space away from the work will give me a better idea of whether or not it is even the right place to be investing my energy.

So, now that I have decided not to work on school, I am going to try to make a clean break from my life in the bay in order to get a new perspective on what is out there for me.  My mom flew up to the bay on Tuesday and we drove down to LA together yesterday.  I will be staying at my mom and Bill's house for the next few weeks and they have rearranged their house a little bit to create a really nice guest suite.  I will have to post some pictures, but I am already settled in and I think it is going to be really good for me to just spend some time with them and let go of all of the pressure I have been putting on myself to figure out what I am doing with my life.  

I realize that I am pretty lucky in a number of ways.  Most people don't have the luxury of deciding what they really want out of life and particularly out of their careers.  They do what they can to make money and there isn't a whole lot more to it than that.  So the fact that I am even in the position to step back and think about what I really want in life and what kind of career I am most passionate about is really a privilege.  Also, I am so lucky that I have parents who will support me in this endeavor and provide me with a safe haven while I am in this  transition.

I have no idea where all of this is going to take me.  I can't even imagine what my life is going to look like in a month or two.  In the meantime, I am going to try to just sit back, enjoy life, and see what comes my way.